


finalé

by okarisu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29883402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okarisu/pseuds/okarisu
Summary: “there was... a whole lot i wanted to tell that idiot, but... dammit.”au if levi got to speak to eren one last time.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	finalé

the lights were off in the survey’s corps common room. the thin summery curtains danced in the wind, the darkness seeped in through the windows and casted a great shadow across the room. everything was still and motionless, there was no movement and no noise. after a hard, long day, levi felt he needed to sit down somewhere quiet, where nobody could bother him about anything involving himself. after everything that’s happened, he just wanted to rest. his mind felt empty like the presence of his heart, all he could feel were the aches of his regret and the everlasting pain that sunk into his bones when he was alone. he wanted to be blissfully unaware of everything that was going on, as selfish as it sounded he knew that wasn’t possible; it was only because of the choices levi made that things worked out this way. he wasn’t sure what he regretted most or how he even felt. the numbing feelings were simply overwhelming, to the point that he didn’t really care, in those moments where nobody was watching him.

when levi opened the door, he sensed nobody was here but himself and his thoughts. however, in the corner of the small, dry room, a single candle was lit. it glistened under the moonlight, and did not sway with the wind. the floorboards were quite old, but did not creek so much as he stepped further into the room. it was only when he turned around to close the door quietly, that he realised he wasn’t alone with his torturous memories. he blinked once, a second time, and rubbed at his old eyes with the back of his worn out hands. they were calloused and quite bruised, his knuckles were constantly red and they weren’t soft to the touch anymore. after so much fighting, i guess he was expecting too much. his eyes weren’t as good as they used to be, so he couldn’t tell as much at first, but after his eyes adjusted to the darkness ー that’s when he could tell.

at first glance, he looked like the same kid he locked eyes with when they first met. his appearance always stayed the same in his eyes. tuffs of brown hair, bright golden eyes, twinkling and shining under the sunlight. he was always taller than him; a fact that pissed levi off, but he didn’t mind so much the longer he stuck around him. he always tried to keep his distance from new recruits, and yet this one always stayed. he was always in his sights ー asking him questions, giving him a hand with cleaning without being asked, staying behind to train after everyone had given up, always eager to hear advice and help out whenever anyone needed it. to levi, he was always the same. a monster with pure beauty. he never saw him as anything different. his opinion never faltered, he always saw him as his true self; a kid who wanted to fight back just as hard as anyone else. he guesses that’s probably why it hurt so much.

in his mind, that’s how he always was. he never changed, and levi knew he could count on him if he had no-one else to rely on. his thoughts never swayed and he wanted to put full belief in him, as a member of his squad. and yet, he wonders when it changed. the person that sits before him is different to the one he knew four years ago. he’s taller and more arrogant and annoying and selfish. his hair is too long and he doesn’t talk much anymore. he thinks for a second, and dozens of memories and thoughts come back to him. when did this change occur? when did levi stop viewing him as this bratty kid whose fate of the world lies on his shoulders alone? what distinct point made levi’s memories alter and change, to the point he feels like he can’t look at him in the eyes without getting anywhere other than feeling frustrated. the shine has gone from his eyes, he knew he couldn’t protect it but that fact alone makes his heart feel swollen. he doesn’t glisten anymore. there’s no life left in him and all of his actions make no sense. one look at him and you can tell; that isn’t the person levi once knew. the kid he once trained and let into his life as a companion. he was never sure how eren felt about him, but levi understood that the two of them needed to work together, and eren was always compliant with his orders. whether he understood them or not, eren did his best to make do of a situation and make the best decision. it feels so long ago that it makes his head hurt. everything feels claustrophobic and tight it makes his skin crawl. every thought in his head feels like it’s going to make his brain explode and he isn’t sure how much longer he can keep it u-

“ _heichou_ ,”

eren’s voice rips through the silence. it was almost a whisper, but the room was so quiet and empty it felt like a ripple of screams erode through levi’s ears. he doesn’t know what he’s staring at or even where to _look_ , let alone give out a sheepish response. he wanted to be selfish for one moment; for one stretch of a second, to run away from all of this and take eren with him. he doesn’t know why. he doesn’t know why he thinks like this or where they’re going to go and he knows in his heart he would never do such a thing, but he considers it for a tiny millisecond. levi’s feelings are non-existent to others but the strength it takes him to hold these back make him more willing and needy everyday; to be able to steal things from this world for his own happiness is his own weakness, and shows how powerless he is compared to everything they’re up against. he knows he cannot show weakness and he also has no time to do so, but that’s not to say he doesn’t consider it. usually, in these moments where he finds somewhere in solitude, is typically where he’ll think and break down his feelings to understand everything with more depth, but he can’t do that with eren around.

“tch, what are you doing here? slacking off as usual?”

the words he speaks are lies ー he’s never slacked off a day in his life, but hurling insults at a shadowy figure hidden in the darkness suits him more than speaking rationally right now. he steps closer to the shadow. even if his eyes were betraying him, he knew with every inch of his heart that the person before him, was eren.

he squeezes his knuckles tightly and takes low breaths as he walks forward.

“everyone else had left. i thought i’d sit and think about things before... what happens tomorrow.”

eren’s way of speaking was always straight to the point, he didn’t bother much with honourifics and certainly didn’t try to speak politely or avoid certain words that could sound rude. the way he tackled that statement felt like a punch in the gut for levi. of course. tomorrow, the day the so-called “plan” goes into action. to be honest, it’s technically already started, but levi realises that if everything goes wrong tomorrow, this might be the last time they’ll ever speak together. it was pure coincidence that levi decided to come to this specific room, but to him, it felt a little like fate.

their relationship was strained and has been difficult since the day they met. they were like strangers, but also knew each other on a personal level. they’ve saved one another, rescued one another, shared personal details and memories, they’ve been on this journey together for over five years now. neither of them were the type to talk sentimentally, nor would they outright admit their feelings or emotions, and yet, levi felt like somewhere in his gut, they could understand each-other. he doesn’t know what this feeling is ー and he thinks he’ll never be sure. after tomorrow, it’s not going to matter to either of them what their true feelings are. deep down, he isn’t sure. he doesn’t know if leaving it like this will be what’s best, but it’s not like he can do much about it.

“i-if you wanted to be alone, i can go somewhere else,”

eren started to stand up, his feet creaking against the floorboards, his voice just above a whisper, but before he could stand fully, levi spoke.

“it’s fine. stay. i’ll get some tea.”

he wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but he ushered the kid to sit down and came back momentarily with two delicate tea cups. as he scanned the room to check eren was still seated, he noticed it was still dark, and the room was dull besides from the thin candle on the table top. he stumbled a little pulling himself around the table and into a chair, but managed just fine and set the two cups on the table. it was still very quiet, however now he could hear eren’s deep breaths, as well as his own. they sat in almost complete darkness for around twenty minutes, although with no watch in his pocket levi had no idea how long it had been. by the time eren spoke up, he was unsure if it had been two hours or thirty seconds since he sat down.

“heichou... i... wanted to say thank you,”

levi heard his fragile words. he felt his heart shake in his chest, but didn’t move a muscle. he had his leg wrapped over the other and held the dainty cup between three fingers. he wasn’t sure whether to interrupt, as he sensed eren had more to say. a few seconds later, he chirped up again.

“i know that... i cause trouble... a lot, but i wanted to... say thank you. for the times that you saved me... before... and for understanding that i... i want to protect the people i care about; i want to protect my friends. i know you don’t agree with the plan but i-“

levi winced at that last sentence. he didn’t deserve thanking. what was he thankful for? thankful he didn’t _die_? of course you’re going to be happy you didn’t die, but now this idiot is running a suicide mission that will not only kill him, but most of us too. the candle shook as levi lowered his cup.

“you don’t need to be thankful, brat. i don’t care about the plan, as long as you don’t kill everyone in your stride, then i have nothing to say.”

that wasn’t his true feelings, he knew deep down he cared about him. he didn’t like this plan and he wanted it all to stop but there was nothing else he could do. he was already too old to keep fighting back with a bunch of kids every time, and yet he had no idea when this was going to end. eren turned his head towards levi. the two hadn’t looked at each-other yet, let alone spoke towards the other and not just in the room, so he was unsure what to do.

“that’s not how you really feel, right? heichou? i know we’re not exactly close but i know you d-“

levi’s teacup landed on the table with a crash.

“what the hell do you know about me, eren?!”

levi’s facade blew up. he wasn’t angry. he was on the other end of the spectrum; he was so sick of this world and its way of ripping away everything that he cares about, he was fed up of being a soldier who can’t do anything to stop the people he cares about from dying. he was miserable. he knew that eren was too, the fact they hadn’t really spoken gave that away. he was usually being so swept up in whatever eren was doing and constantly being around him for training or cleaning or missions that he spent more time with him than alone. maybe that was what made his heart ache. the loneliness creeping and settling into his old weary heart that showed hate towards everything except the boy with golden, glistening eyes. he was so used to this routine of doing dreary old boring tasks but deep down he didn’t care. levi spent most of his day with eren; he was part of his routine, part of his everyday life. as things tragically got worse, so did their bond. he went from waking him up everyday and sitting outside on a crooked bench in the evenings talking about random topics, to merely bumping into him and not having this stupid kid talk his ear off or ask for advice. it felt worst than death; he was losing touch with the person who made him come alive, the man he grew up to be became more bitter and gloomy and it only hurt levi more and more. the idleness of his life felt like a boat rocking against the shore, a hollow and insignificant feeling that amounted to nothing but the fact that he was lonely and growing apart from the only person who bothered to keep up with him in the beginning. he didn’t hate eren for it; blaming it on him would only be counter-intuitive, but it still hurt like hell.

“i don’t like this. i don’t want this shit to be real anymore. i’m tired of it all. we’ve all lost everything and we’re going to lose more just to bet on a plan that has absolutely no way of telling it’ll even work. what the hell is going on? why did it all come down to this? is this what we sacrificed? eren? do you remember the last five years we’ve spent together? do you remember any of it at all?”

he was angry. sure he was angry. but it wasn’t aimed at eren. he just knew that if he’s going to burn off some steam, the _only_ person who wouldn’t take it personally would be eren. the only one to understand, would be _eren_.

“i haven’t forgotten.”

the words slick levi’s brain back into motion. he turns to look at him again with a ghostly expression.

“huh?”

eren swallowed deeply, took a slight breath, and continued.

“heichou, i haven’t forgotten anything. i remember admiring you as a child, the strong but silent hero who could beat any titan. the same person i went on to meet a few years later. i remember becoming a member of your squad, and even though you scared me at first, i was happy to be recognised as a team member. i know you have regrets, but i don’t regret trusting them on that day.”

levi looked up with a fragile expression stretched across his face. he was pale, droplets of sweat could be seen on his forehead.

“i remember all of the times you’ve saved me, and i think because of that, i was able to get to where i am now. if you hadn’t been there... i’m not sure what would’ve happened.”

he let out a small laugh, pondering to himself and recollecting old memories. eren’s hands were laid flat on his lap, palms facing towards him.

“i know things have changed, not just between us, but everybody... but i will never forget. i’m really grateful to you, heichou. i wanted to tell you sooner, but i guess now it’s out there, i can be okay with whatever ending.”

eren starts to stand and sets his cup aside. the tea was cold now, but levi’s heart felt like it was burning. he wasn’t sure what to do, he couldn’t bring himself to stop him, to explain the rest of what he wanted to say, he hadn’t even really started yet, but at this rate he’s going to leave and he’ll never get it off his chest and-

eren wipes the front of his pants and starts to walk away. as he walks around the table, he stops just before levi, with his back towards him.

“thank you, heichou. i was happy to have lived beside you for so long.”

eren’s voice was hoarse. it sounded cracked and like he was crying. but levi was too afraid to ask. as eren was turning to leave, he grabbed his index finger suddenly, holding onto it ever so delicately. the touch felt like velvet, it was small and not very visible but levi clung to that small hold. his finger wrapped around eren’s ever so slightly, almost as if to make a promise. levi tried to find the words he was looking to say, but felt them get stuck in his throat. his heart was beating like crazy, the sweat on his forehead stuck to him and his head was spinning. he wasn’t sure if it was because of the electricity he felt from the touch, or the heartbreak at knowing this would be their last conversation.

eren tightened the grip for a sliver of a second, and then released. levi heard him sniffle, but refused to say anything. he could feel that the tears he’s been holding back for so long were beginning to fall, so he released himself from the touch, and his hand fell at his side. eren muttered under his breath, but it was too quiet for levi to understand.

before he had a chance to ask him to repeat himself, he was gone. the latch on the door pressed shut and with the weight of the door closing, the candle blew out.

levi was never quite sure if it was thirty seconds or two hours, but he wished that it lasted for longer. he never figured out what eren muttered to him that night, either. in the cold empty room, lit up by only a candle they shared for just a moment in time.

that was all it ever was. short but sweet.

levi’s regrets of not ever talking to him properly stuck with him, but the momentarily feeling of having their finger wrapped together gave him the most heart ache.

* * *

“i hope we can be together again.”

x

**Author's Note:**

> i’ve been writing levi/eren fanfics for a very long time. i started in 2013, and my last one was in 2018. i’ve since either deleted or anon’d them, as i felt embarrassed having them on my profile, but i wanted to write one last thing for them, as the final chapter approaches next month. they will always have a special place in my heart, and i’m very thankful for the time i spent in this fandom. although i left around 4 years ago, i’d like to keep up with whatever levi and eren’s next adventures are, in hopes that one day they can both be happy. 
> 
> thank you for reading my work, not just this but other ones i have created over the years. i might come back to them one day, but this felt like a good place to say goodbye. thank you very much.


End file.
